getting a little emotional

maybe everything is not like what they seemed to be.

maybe what you see is not actually what they are.

maybe when you are doing something, they are not always as right as you think they are.

maybe you are not who you think you are.

all these thoughts came to me as i read my friend's blog post. my insides feel so freaking weird and i feel like tears are coming out, but i am keeping them in because i am in college and i don think i want anybody to see that i am crying.

all these times, i thought i knew everything and i thought that i understand everything about someone. and today is the day where i found out that i am seriously wrong.

i never knew that i have someone watching over me and have been protecting me from my mistakes. i always thought that the problem is resolved on its own and that i am lucky.

i am so sorry. "L", i am terribly sorry that i had misunderstand you and misjudge you. i am really sorry that i had talked bad about you behind your back because i thought that you weren't doing anything to help us. i am really sorry that i had broken my promise that you can always trust me and i will always be there for me because i had clearly proven that i am not a good friend. i am so so so sorry, you cannot imagine how sorry i am and how bad i feel right now. i hope i can be forgiven.

i was on the way to dinner last night with my family when something they said kind of struck me. maybe it had been said as a joke for them, but then their comment seriously hit my heart and make me wonder whether they are real.

"Guys are too afraid to approach you and girls hate you"

this is what they said.

maybe they really meant it as a joke, but i seriously felt bad.

because all these years, i had been wondering sometimes that maybe i am really not "likable", that people just had this feeling that they hate me.

i just don't know anymore. i don't know who am i really. i don't know what to do. i am confused.

i dunno whether anyone would read this, but i seriously need a place for me to just vent out what i am feeling.

i hope that if you read this, please just pretend that you didn't read this. what i meant was, you can read, but please don let me know that you read it. because then, i would be self-conscious and i will take precautions when i write.

you can comment, but as anonymous please?

-out-